Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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