something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
