I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
