If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
