why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
