do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
