Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
