Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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