it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
