I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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