we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
