well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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