My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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