So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
