The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
