she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
