ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize