good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
