We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
