So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
