I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
