Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
