I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
