I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
