I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?