Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.