Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..