can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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