we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
