The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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