He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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