I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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