Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
