When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
