We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
