I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
