I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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