Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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