i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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