the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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