you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
