I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
