you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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