the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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