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Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
