Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
