dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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