When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize