Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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