the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
