i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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