i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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