if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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