Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
