I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
