After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
