Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
