so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
