Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
