I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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